Who is driving the car?

A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police officer!

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Late one night, a burglar broke...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What`s your name?""Clarence," said the bird."That`s a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."

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Woman was at work when...

Woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.She didn`t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don`t know how to use this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God!You even sent me a Professional!"

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A woman went into...

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.The burglar froze in place and didn`t move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood."What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman`s quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked."Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38`s!"

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A police detective was...

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.The detective responded, "I think it`s obvious. A cereal killer got her!"