Thursday, November 4, 2010

A computer geek goes to...

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy, Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith. The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown. The geek passes out. The big guy fans him and brings him too. Why did you pass out he asked? The geek replies, what did you say your name was? Turner Brown he replies. Oh God the geek says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".

http://www.best-funny-jokes.com/criminal-jokes-3307

A man successfully broke...

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank`s video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is,the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn`t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/criminal-jokes

This just goes to show the quality ...

This just goes to show the quality of our criminals has definitely taken a nose-dive!Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the bank one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he`d been about to draw his gun. He couldn`t have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The would-be thief ran away and is still at large.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/criminal-jokes

The following are a few simple ...

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?Selma, don`t come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...
 

Chin-Chin the panda was on trial...

Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors. The judge looked at Chin-Chin`s lawyer and proclaimed, "Thirty eyewitnesses saw your client pay for dinner, shoot up the place, and leave. Security cameras caught the entire incident on video. I have no choice but to sentence your client ...""Wait a second, your honor," said the lawyer, "My client may be guilty, but there are extenuating circumstances. He couldn`t help his behavior that night, and if you look up the word `panda` in the dictionary, you`ll have no choice but to agree."The judge was puzzled, but he had his secretary bring his dictionary into court. There, under the letter P, he found; "PANDA: Black and white bear from China that eats shoots and leaves."

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Who is driving the car?

A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police officer!

http://www.best-funny-jokes.com/criminal-jokes

Late one night, a burglar broke...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What`s your name?""Clarence," said the bird."That`s a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/criminal-jokes